honey bunches of taint.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
