Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
