Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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