She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
