if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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