It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
