I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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