and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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