Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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