After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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