Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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