reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
