He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
