All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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