The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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