he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
