Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
