i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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