Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
