After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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