Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You are the jesus of drinking
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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