I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
