i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize