Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
