Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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