I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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