Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
