Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
