I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The adults are the big ones right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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