is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
