these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
