I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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