I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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