How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
