So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
