So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
