If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Is it because I queefed?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
