1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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