i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
