new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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