the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
