Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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