So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
