If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
