Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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