im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
