She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
