she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
