I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
