So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
