drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't think brook has ever known best
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
