that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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