So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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